Now, allow me to interrupt the story for just a second to explain something. I don't work in zoo. I don't even work out doors at all. My workplace is not a construction site, nor is it a fraternity house. I work in a clean call centre with several hundred fellow employees. Ok, that being said, back to the story...

I'm on my way to the can and as I'm passing the vending machines I catch a whiff of something not-so-pleasant. For a brief second, I think (and hope) that it's just a coincidence that I smell stinky foulness and see something that looks remarkably like a half-melted Snickers bar on the floor by the lockers.

Now, you'd think that when one works in a clean office-type environment, one would be free roam about with absolutely no risk of stepping in human feces... but you'd be wrong. Thank the good Lord I saw it coming and skillfully avoided the steamy pile, but it looked as though someone else wasn't quite so lucky (or skillful), judging from the smear and all.

To the best of my knowledge, there are only a limited number of ways this type of thing could ever possibly happen:

1. Some crazy broad wearing a skirt whilst going commando just had too much herbal tea that morning

2. Some poor bastard wearing boxer shorts and baggy pants was desperately trying to make it to the toilet before his trouser-turtle made it all the way down his pant leg

3. Some jaded and disgruntled employee just dropped their pants right there in the hallway, squatted down and pinched an "I hate this fucking place" biscuit-loaf right on the floor.